from Henry Miller

"everybody becomes a healer the moment he forgets about himself"

to be happy

I can accept and tolerate anybody. I can't accept myself.

My student told me this today during a quiet moment before class. She brought me her favourite book to read, showed me a self-made book of her poems and ....she talked to me.

I can't accept myself.

Accepting myself would mean tolerating my beliefs, looks, actions... Who creates all those?
My looks are given to me at birth, there is little I can do to change them besides staying "in shape"...
My beliefs develop as I grow in my lifetime..
My actions result from my choices and bring consequences, immediate or long term...

My student is in pain because she can not accept herself.

I thought that a person who needs reassurance in such matters would likely believe someone he or she trusts as one trusts a Teacher. Connecting to my student as a teacher would give me a tremendously rare chance to truly relieve her suffering.

It is important for some of us to know that we are OK.
Some of us developed an idea that it is not important whether or not one is OK, because being good means being yourself in the only way that it is possible to be oneself: to be born and grow absorbing beliefs and choosing actions.

Acceptance without exception.

"To accept others and not to accept oneself" is not so different from "to accept oneself and not to accept others".

A person knowing, believing that one is same as others and others are same as one,
will truly accept others as oneself and oneself as others.

As a teacher I need to point out to my student that we are all basically the same.

I will start from this.

I will start tomorrow.
.

Helping others and ourselves is a lighthouse.

No matter how dark the depression, there is a candle that lights the way out.
This candle, or lantern, shows us the way to go. It takes us along the path step by step.

Seeing other people's pain at a time when we are in pain ourselves is crucial to overcoming our own tough times. It is tempting to say, that since each moment of our life is unique, we can only pay undivided attention to one thing at a time, so it's up to us, whether we decide to see someone else's pain or our own.

It seems though that in dealing with one's own depression two aspects need to be attended to.
First one is feeling our own pain. Feeling this pain to the fullest, acknowledging it, respecting it.
I tell myself at times like these: "So that's how it feels."
Second one is opening our eyes to pain of others. Is it someone in my family, my neighbourhood? Is it a homeless person in a city, or someone starving in Darfur?

Feeling own pain helps us move towards healing.
Seeing other's pain hopefully moves us to feel compassion and to help them.
Helping others puts our own pain out of the spotlight. This, in turn helps us work on the "solution" of our problems.

When going gets tough, why not look around for those who have it tougher?

Helping others and ourselves is a lighthouse for travelers on depression's dark roads.

stand up comedian ?

These are all synonyms : clown, joker, comedian, fool, jester, entertainer, slapstick comedian, comic, mess about, wit, buffoon, artiste, humorist...

Those who identify with one of these, tell me - which one of these are you?

(just a joke, folks)

Always wanted to figure out how do clowns, comedians etc manage to be happy all the time?

Are they really, really happy and thus make all around laugh?

Are they laughing because they can't help it, whether or not they are happy?

Did their parents want them to become jesters, so here they are?

My feeling is, that clowns carry the world on their shoulders, making us laugh in our happy and not so happy moments, helping us see the way through life laughing :)

Hope and Fear

We hope, we hope, we hope.
We hope when we rise
We hope when we shower
And when we work
We hope when we party,
We hope when we meet,
on vacation, in a dream
We hope while raising kids
We hope looking in a mirror
We hope mindfully
We hope habitually, not realizing it.

We fear the day will not unfold as we'd like
We fear our expectations at work will not materialize
We fear the party will not go as we planned
We fear a good relationship will not last forever
and a bad one will be painful to end
We fear aging and loneliness
We fear consciously
We fear subconsciously
We fear, we fear, we fear

Imagine living beyond hope and fear that comes with it.

Flowing with what happens.

Having wishes

while staying free of expectations.

Planning future

without getting uptight about the outcome.

Acting out of generosity

rather then desire of reward.

Can we give it a try?

"I me mine"

People, circumstances, situations ...

The mind races:
Do they like me?
Am I personable enough?
I want this.
I don't want that. Go away.
It is not helping me.
What will I get out of this?
I am not good enough.
I don't deserve this.
I should have been...
I should find a solution.
I should not feel that way. I have to fix it.
I don’t like you. You have to change.
I like you but you still have to change.
This is the way you should do it. Otherwise I'll hate you.
I can't take it any more.
Why is it happening to me?
This is so good. How can I make this last forever?
I should have done it long time ago.
If I could only get healthy again, and stay healthy ever after.
If I could stay young or at least look as if I did.
When this happens I’ll be finally happy.
They can't take that away from me.
Death? Its hypothetical I can't even think about dieing.
How dare they to do this to me? They have no heart.
Will I ever stop being angry at that. It's been a while. Stop already.
All I need is ….
I was so stupid when I …
If I could only raise my children to be healthy and happy and pay for their college.
Why can't I get over it?
How can I prevent them from doing that?
How can I manipulate the situation so that they can't irritate me with that?
Damn! Didn't work. But next time I'll outsmart them.
And on and on and on ...

THE WORLD MUST CHANGE TO BE THE WAY I WANT.

One of the last songs sung by The Beatles before clashes of egos broke them apart starts:

“All through the day, I me mine
I me mine, I me mine
All through the night, I me mine
I me mine, I me mine…”

Written by George Harrison - the most enlightened of them (in my humble opinion).

Oh this funny/torturous game called life.
One day I’ll "win" and things will go exactly as I think they should.
People will be happy, wise, gentle, generous, healthy, peaceful.....
The world will cooperate 100%.
It is going to be perfect.

The last thing to do will be to die,

since it will get unbearably boring soon.

Then again: Why are we here ?

But wait may be there is another path.

May be I can relax my ideas of right and wrong.

May be I can be less uptight with my desires and aversions.

May be I can stop fortifying my ego.

May be I can soften my expectations of myself and the world.

May be the game is more interesting when the world does not cooperate.

May be the things are supposed to be the way they are?

And may be, just may be the world is perfect the way it is.

So why am writing all this then ?

Lyrics for: I Me Mine

by George Harrison

All through the day, I me mine
I me mine, I me mine
All through the night, I me mine
I me mine, I me mine
Now they're frightened of leaving it
Everyone's weaving it
Coming on strong all the time
All through the day I me mine

I-I-me-me-mine, I-I-me-me-mine
I-I-me-me-mine, I-I-me-me-mine

All I can hear, I me mine
I me mine, I me mine
Even those tears, I me mine
I me mine, I me mine
No-one's frightened of playing it
Everyone's saying it
Flowing more freely than wine
All through the day I me mine

I-I-me-me mine, I-I-me-me mine
I-I-me-me mine, I-I-me-me mine

All I can hear, I me mine
I me mine, I me mine
Even those tears, I me mine
I me mine, I me mine
No-one's frightened of playing it
Everyone's saying it
Flowing more freely than wine

All through your life I me mine

And the point is?

Many of us face this question at some point of our life:
"I'm doing something that's hard. Dealing with unpredictable situations, basically saying "ok" to always being in the middle of a stressful moment."

Part of me wants out. Fast. Part of me accepts whatever comes. Part of me is thrilled to be on edge most of the time. Part of me feels comfortable here.

Am I here because I believe that I don't deserve better?

Does it make sense to stay here where most moments are an uphill battle?

What is the point of all this?

is there sun in the room?

"can anyone see the sun?" - says the father. His kid's life makes sense now.
"can anyone see the sun?" - the blinds on the windows are down. The screen on the wall is waiting for its first projection. A face - ageless young face of a dead boy.

At the school for teenagers with behavioural issues father talks about the son that died of gang violence at 20. About bad choices, brutality of gang life. On his face there is suffering of loss and joy of may be helping someone...

His kid is alive in this moment of remembering, alive in transmission of this everyday truth.
This life makes sense now.

It makes sense because one or more kids in a room might hear him:
"can anyone see the sun?"

Introduction - Invitation

This blog is created to open some space where we can share our thoughts, questions and answers about our lives.
What makes us anxious, fearful, angry, restless, greedy, and sad?
And what makes us happy, relaxed, joyful, and enthusiastic?
I hope we can pause in our tracks and look at ourselves from a bigger prospective.
Get out of our small struggling minds and have a larger view on who we are, why are we here, and where are we going.
What is the point of our everyday efforts?
What prevents us from being joyful, open, and generous?

Why do we fight and who do we fight with?
Do we really win when we think we won and do we lose when we think we lost?

Do we radiate friendliness, peace, and humor?
Or do we create confusion and anger?

Are we driven by greed and poverty mentality?
Are we confined by stereotypes and habits?

Can we stop in our chase for comfort and happiness and have a fresh open look at reality?
Can we relax and open our minds enough
- to accept and embrace ourselves and others?
- to go beyond the conditioning of right and wrong?
- to go beyond good and bad, happy and sad?
- to trust that we are good enough the way we are?

Is there anything wrong with our lives at all?

We invite everyone to express opinions or questions on these and related matters.